It was like my feelings where trapped inside me today and so I started just lying on the floor meditating, breathing deeply, I did TRE Tension Release Exercise and I could feel a shift in my body as my emotions poor I felt lighter and more free. It only took 20 minutes or so.
I do not have to stay stuck. It is an illussion that I will not feel good all day I can shift my feelings and sensations with some quiet and attention.
Yesterday I put my mind to having fun and that is what I did I allowed myself to be spontaneous and go with the flow about how things where going. It was great to laugh and feel a connection and share it with someone. To get a bit dressed up and just be present and social it is a nice energy. It can be easy there is nothing to worry about. I can receive from others.
I got some help getting some furniture. It looks so nice afterorganizing and re-arranging. I was worried that it would be too big that I made a poor decision it caused trouble for others. But they seemed happy to help and encouraged me it’s ok. I slept on it played with things a little and my opinion was changed. There is lots of space and it looks great and I am worth it to receive help from others. I am allowed to make mistakes. I was worried because when we moved the couch we broke a light but it got fixed no questions asked. I was worried that I was burdening this lady by asking for a 20 min drive away to pick up something that was broken. She seemed happy to have the company and to be able to restore it for me she kind of does it as a hobby. It looks beautiful and I love it. The people I bought it from where happy to get ride of it and make a bit of money and space. My thoughts can shift like my feelings and I can re frame them I am not stuck. I have a been spending time with someone who re-frames my thoughts so respectfully its beautiful. Just like moving things around when making a piece of art what if I put this here AHH YES THAT’S IT THERE THAT FEELS RIGHT.
When I notice my bad feelings and worries it’s time to reframe shift things around until it feels right simple as that. I do not need to wait and let it accumulate I can start now. When I choose to do that I am saying yes to intuition the little tuning fork inside that says I am thirsy go drink some water. Paying attention to the bells inside. Giving myself the gift self reliance. I can search inwards instead of looking outwards for a solution.
I can receive help from myself as well as others.
I am happy I took time to write this. That I choose some furniture and when out and ask for help.
I cooked a meal for myself and I thought mmm its good I want to share so I did it was nice to be able to do that. I took sometime to go swing dancing. I am glad I went because there where barly any follows so I got to dance a lot with a bunch of leads. I was told my swiles and hair cut look nice and some people started to follow me when I was dancing by myself. I was listening to my intuition to invite my neighbor to super he did the majority of the work that night so I am glad I was able to give before. It didn’t feel like a trade but more like an act of love. It was just one thought that lead to another like oh i could do this yeah that feels right ok then it lead to that. It was fun to joke around.
On Monday I got my table and chairs and stared to move things around and sent pictures to my mom and asked what she thought as I moved things. Took some suggestions from her but mostly my own and I was able to create little zones. Where my things are organized into sections I love it it gave me so much energy. It made sense the puzzle was coming together. Feels like magic because one thing lead to another and poof I surprise myself step back and go wow. It’s very comfortable its a home that serves that is attentive to my needs and potentially the guests as well. Functionally beautiful.
A coworker saw me on my bike as I was going to yoga on sunday that she noitce I had a big smile on my face that was nice to hear.
Just start it comes together
I was offered a ride for the weekend I am excited to swing and at th market and watch some improv and chat with people on the way there. And I will be able to send some things home to declutter my bedroom and my dad can help me with hanging up somethings to the walls too.
I’d like to go to yoga I haven’t been since Sunday. I could go tomorrow aound 8 otherwise I will have to wait until Monday. I forgive myself for not going. It’s hot and I have other things that I wanted to take care of.
I was reading a blog this week saying the way to get ride of insecurities is new experiences that will reninforce the opposite and therapy. I saw someone today who pointed out that I was minimizing my skills and that I could start writing about what is going on before I have feelings. She said I seemed intelligent funny and have good communicaiton skills.
I like this poem it’s raw.