I can focus on this or that thing I love about myself but I must caution against loving myself in parts loving this but not that. I choose to love myself as a whole. The full package now it seems I am putting the piece of the puzzle together and I can step back and see wow I really need all of it to make it work. If you want to have me you have to learn to love me.
I do not regret anything as it made me who I am right now and I love me right now.
There is a part of me that is
Izzy Breezy Beautiful Cover Girl
And the not so flattering part of me
But you know that day I was doing yoga because I loved myself I was assertive and asked to have my picture taken even though part of me didn’t want and felt awkward about it. I mean I have to respect myself for trying and that is what this moment captures and I like that about it.
I am sad and disappointed it is not what I expected
like that song I heard today :”you said always and forever and I believed you baby”
Let it go! like a good little Buddhist student
hurt shame guilt anger is something I am holding I cannot fully receive if my hands are full so I need to drop it.
Something new is about to come along
I am reading The Shadow Effect which talks about our dark side
I have been thinking about ostrich how they have this skinny head and put in the sand not seeing their big body sometimes I feel like that like looking at some parts of my my face or arms or legs and seeing that looks so slim and then I see another angle and its like woah fun house mirror. Sometimes I feel the weight and sometimes I feel thin too. It’s like a the illusive good hair day which day isn’t going to be at any given time in the mirror like a gambler hoping for a good body image day.
Not going to lie I look at pictures of myself and I am like oh my how did I let myself get like this I am more forgiving as I used to be in high school say. Unflattering pictures happen so what? Move on I have things to do.
Doing this 30 day yoga picture challenge I see that I can appreciate myself as a whole in the sense that I need all the pictures to make it work to see the big picture. Sure I like some more then others but hey its all pieces of me. Start where I am now. I have been weighing myself recently like once a week or so and its like ok I can’t really argue with the numbers and ignore them any more when they are right there.
And now that I am back at the 1st yoga studio where I stared my 1st 30 day challenge in November I notice some improvements. Like I am ok with the tempature of the room, I can do half saddle, I can lie down in shavashana with out my mind racing as much. I look in the mirror and check myself out I don’t feel like a beginner I am much faster I am not struggling as much much less resistance I just go in and do my thing. I am much more certain that it’s good for me.