I finished reading a book now called Embracing Your Inner Critic. It talked about how when we criticize ourselves there is a fear behind it trying to protect us like a parent overly concerned about a certain issue that is magnified. So when we address that fear or concern it dissipates. It’s the same when we judge other people we are really judging ourselves but also I have noticed when I criticize others I am being indirect with my language. So when I am more clear and in touch with my feelings more courageous and vulnerable the criticism goes away it is the same with the self.
So when I pick at my appearance I am concerned that I will be unhealthy and alone without a partner because I am not taking care of my body. I worry that I look ragged and unprofessional and that will hurt me from making new connections with people. It’s about breaking down what is the real concern here. Just like we don’t mean to criticise the ones we love. It’s just hard to talk about how we really feel. I statements and finding the behaviour and the feelings are useful here.
Went out for a family supper and then asked if we could stop in the clothing store next door as it was closing in 15 mins. Well I got some earlier xmas presents. I like clothes – that feeling where I try on a dress and feel like I am audrey hepburn or something and I feel cool. Its nice to have clothes that fit my body as it is now. It feels respectful. My mom bought more then I would usually buy myself I think she does it to emphasize that I am worth it.
I am doing well on my diet I visited my parents this weekend and went out to a restaurant I control the amount of food when I was tempted to take more I told myself no that is something the old me would do. I am making new choices now. I did have a desert but I slip it with a friend and it’s my first one since I started. I am going for 80-90 percent here. so every 8-10 days I can allow myself to indulge a bit in a craving. The treat did not feel worth it. What did feel good was feeling pretty in the clothes I tried on feeling like I would make some guys night I am so cute.
I had a nice ride into town using rideshare. We chatted most of the way about travel work and roomates. With a dog in the back seat. He let me know he was going to be an hour late so I took that time to clean my house I had just enough time. When I offered him money for gas he said my company was enough :). I felt valuable.
I took a nap when I was tired. I can quiet the voice that says I must be productive all the time. I choose to relax.
Looking forward to tonight’s yin yoga class it felt like magic last week.
My friend found me a ride to Halifax dance if I want it. I did my weights tonight and gave some clothes of mine away. I lost 6 pounds I am excited I feel like this is going to work. I started reading another book called weight loss forever.