Sometimes admittedly I am startled by the pettiness of my own life. I suppose it’s true I feel ambivalently about most things at one time or another and I will get caught up in an emotion and I feel low and my thoughts aren’t always the sharpest in terms of being uplifting.
In the English language there is the word downtrodden but you never hear someone who is on the uptrott.
Yesterday I noticed I was feeling foggy and I lied down and just was still and my tightness melted away and I was feeling relieved. I gotta say that is a pretty magical moment when I can shit my mood like that.
I was reading a book last night and this morning called living a year of yoga where there are little aphorisms for each day to think about and I find them very helpful. If my mind is going to go on a train of thought one way or another I want it to be something beneficial and uplifting.
A few of them really stood out one of which was view your enemy as your teacher when someone annoys me I am being taught patience for example.
Enemy is just a label that my mind created. It is more fun to rise to the challenge then be challenged by the resistance of the created conflict.
It has better pretty slow at work this week which gives me some time to think. How can I be more productive? What can I do more to help? Sometimes I feel embarrassed that I cannot think of much.
Mind renovation mind expansion like the breath if left unnoticed it can be restricted my thoughts are the same way. I can give attention and create space and expansion.
The shambhala center is going to have some new courses in the new year that I can take. Last night when I was lying there I thought hmmm I need more meditation in my everyday life. Even just 5 or 10 mins here and there adds up. I was doing 20 mins a while back.
Yesterday i was feeling sad disappointed that I overate on several occasions this week and they were not healthy choices. hmmm I have been keeping my commitment to lift weights regularly. Today I have eaten well so far I just need to begin again start from where I am.
I managed to watch this yesterday in my fog in an attempt to feel better. It is dawning on me now that just sitting with my feelings is empathy. I often ignored them by distracting myself or trying to put a silver limning on things at least I lifted wights trying to find the upside like I just wrote a minute ago. It’s in the giving of attention and noticing little insights come to me and they accumulate it is pretty interesting indeed.
Another aphorism was what can I give instead of asking what can I get from yoga and that it is called yoga practice not performance that is to say focus on experience in the body let the body guide you rather then your mind telling you what to do and how fast to do it.
In work I shifted my perceptive my job is teaching me about communication about how to be present and patient with myself and others to do thing mindfully and that I enjoy them. My work is teaching me about discipline that is doing work is more rewarding then procrastination.
I think I will start today meditating on my breaks at work. I can appreciate my willingness to try and my persistence drive and creativity to do it. I am learning to not let myself stagnate in discouragement. I can sit with it awhile and let it transform and then move forward. Compassion towards myself here. I thank G’d for all theses blessings.
When I am mindful I am relax and see more clearly the choices before me like choosing a healthy lunch and super for this evening I can prep and put it in the works. I think this post all started from yesterday where I had the courage to not be perfect to show my failure and confusion my wholeness is both good and bad.
There are many gifts I can give to other time attention acts of service gifts laughter listening and relaxation a sense of calm and security. I have been focusing on humor now I want to