Being me while loving you

Asking for help takes a certain self-acknowledgement. It’s ok that I don’t know how to do everything. It’s ok to ask for help even though there are people who are struggling more than I am.

The self is also involved in receiving help as well there is a little rebel in me that wants to do it MY WAY instead of following what I am told to do. And most of the time I find myself trying to do both: following as I am asked and doing it my way.

Why do we say my way, why is there a sense of ownership there, it’s just a way of doing something. Just a way that I would go about doing it naturally. This can get in the way of trying do learn or do something. It seems so important to put my own spin on it.

It’s like we are scared if we submit or follow that we are being submissive. Sometimes surrendering is easy and following happens other times I say I will follow but I have one foot in and one foot out I supose I do not trust the system will work for me in that case. To do your personal best I need faith and trust I need to take action and get my little rebel to quiet down and just learn the technique correctly instead of trying to speed through it or just getting by and having fun with it. Masters take their time to learn and try again no faking or cheating.

Sure making something your own is something that can be fun a lot more affectively once you have the technique. Again it’s not me its just me playing with technique. I connect and identify with creativity. Creativity is spontaneous as much as you want to own it it cannot be owned it does not belong to you. You just channel it you become in intune with that state and it can arise. Ownership seems like something you master and can reproduce at will. Creaitity is not like that it’s got a life of it’s own it’s like I am the mother and its my baby I feel like I want to protect it but it’s not me.

What is also not me is when I feel obsessive when I am infatuated with someone or something kind of like an addict just a pile of reactions. In this state I feel like I need something outside to help instead of trusting my own wisdom and heal from the inside.

I am myself when I can recognise that I feel afraid but I move past it and make a wie decision. One thing I feel nerveous about is traveling alone. I just booked a flight abroad I am going to visit some friends and tag along on their vacation and way of life. I love trusting in others I can relax and feel like things are taken care of. I want this in myself as well. I am excited to take a risk and tolerate a little pain for growth.

To be independant and cooperative so I can collaborate

May I still be me when I follow you and may I follow correctly

May I trust in you when I am following you and may I trust in me when I am following me

When we collaborate may our ideas create something great

let us not be lost with out each other

May I hold my own and have the strength still cooperate instead of resisting and fearing that I will blend into you and lose my voice.

May I contribute and it does not take away anything from you

When I strengthen you it strenghts me

when I strengthen me may I strengthen both of us

A lot of things I think are me are just things I need to relate to that is I am agressive or fearful or stubborn I am the calm presence that watches that urge and relates compassionatly towards it. I am the one who observes and choses.

I have the right to take myself seriously I matter I can stop and take the time to really help myself not just rush through because I feel like I am behind no skip it because there is no point.

I can go around thinking I am special I am the expection but the fact is I am human and people’s problems aren’t that all different from each others. I can get wrapped up thinking oh my situation is so unique but really the details don’t really matter that much. I I don’t often remember the details much anyways after awhile.

I am realizing how that I have a higher perspective now I am looking at things with the big picture in mind. I am really happy about that. I spent time dwelling on things that didn’t matter all that much and now I feel more in control. I can avoid that a lot more now.

On my trip I will be reuniting with people I haven’t seen in 17 years. Which is a great oppertuinty to see what has changed and what as stayed the same.

In the past I have let time go by without action, I can let things sit but I want and will do something each day to get me closer. That is all I need to stay on track take a few actions each day in the direction I want to be in sometimes I will have to make course corrections but irregardless I need and will act today. When there are obsticles taking action is most important as it starts the process of breaking them down. Even thought I can’t see the results chipping away at something consistantly will make a change.

I have seen it come together in the end and I am always thankful for doing the little things each day to get that ball rolling a little further. Especially when I felt like I was going backwards. The point is I put in the time and you can’t really argue with that.

take steps on the road to confidence






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