Giving myself permission to love me

Alright so I got called for a job interview next week and can do it on office hours. This week i will be going to Halifax for some dance workshops as well as Moncton for an employee appreciation day.

I have a drive to go to the personal development meetup and then we go to dodge-ball. Tomorrow and Thursday I can go for a run. Tomorrow I will go to the gym after work to lift weights and keep up that habit. I could go on Friday morning too if I get up early enough.

This lady made a dress with all the comments she received about her body

I found lots of books from one of my favorite authors on bookshare yay I am so excited I read one last night and half of another.

My mp3 player died but I am able to use my daisy player to play my songs on. I love my ability to solve problems.

During the weekend when I was spending time with just me and my thoughts and feelings. I was going through times that I was happy with myself and the way my life was going and I noticed how they where linked with an activity for example when I join dance when I started doing yoga ect which is fine. Confidence comes with action but I was also thinking I could elaborate and extract from those experiences more. What new skill or thing in myself did I appreciate when I started that activity?

Also during the weekend one of the members said I comment that I took to heart. I felt hurt and judged I mean I didn’t think he meant too I just felt like I wasn’t been really seen or appreciated. What he said was “much like yourself fitness is not one of their strengths”

I was upset. I thought about all the time I put in exercising and compared to the average person I am pretty active. I mean a lot of my hobbies are sports dance yoga ect. I cried I thought what does it matter what he thinks, I worried other people thought the same as him like other men that I might be interested in forming a relationship with. There was a lot of thoughts buzzing around just one statement. And so what if what he says is true can I accept that.

Mediation is the practice of loving of accepting the ‘ugly’ parts of ourselves. I do not have to be perfect. Expose and appreciate deal with the imperfections makes it perfect. I am happy I made the decision to take the maitri space awareness now that I read the book by Trungpa it makes a lot of sense I am connecting a lot of the ideas with the experiences I have had it’s all very fascinating. Sure just like with a friend I don’t always love what they do but I can be there loving and supporting of them just the same baring witness to the experience being friendly and open to situations I might have a reaction too. To just sit and be is very different than trying to improve or fix. To accept the experience as it to appreciate the moment as is can also produce growth.

I mean it is in a way there are people that are more fit than me. I like the idea of fitting in. This isn’t my favorite picture, but I had fun last night with my new friends chatting before our game and had some pretty decent throws.

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